Walking under the darkened skies,
I wrapped my arms around me, keeping myself warm in this cold night.
My frostbitten hands feels alien, unlike my own,
yet they keep me awake – the sharp pain it brings keeps me sane.
Watching the cracks spreading across my skin brings a memory to my mind;
a memory not so long ago, a memory preserved despite the passing of time.
Ravaging my emotions, destroying all that’s left of my bitter heart,
it tears apart everything within, leaving nothing in its wake but tracks of blood.
For a moment I asked myself; why was I foolish to believe
that happiness was possible, that it was mine to seek and achieve?
What possessed me to throw away my cynicism and embrace this naivety –
wasn’t all the lessons up until now enough – why did I sign up for this insanity?
Love and its trappings never seemed tempting before
yet somehow that changed since it’s you I adore.
These whirlwind of emotions was going to be the death of me, I was so sure,
which was why it came to no surprise to see myself standing at death’s door.
Trading one hurt for another, that’s all I seem to be good at currently –
the darkness I had embraced before, laughs and mocks me for my stupidity.
Unbeknownst to me, I began to lash out, inciting chaos in my wake,
everything I see, everything I touch, I leave it tainted, I leave it in pieces at my feet.
Soaking in this gloom, this maddening pleasure that destruction seemed to bring,
I laughed at the faces of all the naysayers and the non-believers in glee.
Drenched in the scent of their pungent hatred, I simply sat back and watched,
even if I was falling into pieces inside; my heart no longer a puzzle meant to be completed.
I enjoyed this, I enjoyed the hate I seamlessly incite
for it was a thing I was used to – its familiarity spreads warmth deep inside.
I wonder if that made me unstable, crazy and deranged –
I don’t mind any labels, as long as this agony never ever remains.
Nothing made sense – none of your rambles makes sense anymore,
you simply spew as you like, not caring for the world what it does to others.
I’ve told you before, happiness isn’t meant for the likes of you
so why bother with this, why start a puzzle you know you can’t ever complete?
The devil is you, the demon planted deep –
It owns you now – watch what it does when you’re asleep..