It’s hard to breathe at the moment,
I wonder where it all went wrong.
The past keeps rewinding in my head,
while the present laughs at my despair,
at my confused state.
Fatigue blankets over me, smothering me in it,
my bones are heavy, weighing me down into a heap.
The first signs of depression makes itself known
and yet I continue walking blindly, ignoring the call from home.
Anxiety begins to prick, leaving lines on my skin –
riddled with them, with visible scars, I sink into my bed, falling in.
My heart repeats a certain name, calling it with a surprising clarity,
yet she isn’t mine to refer as such, the foreign name spews hurt with every repetition.
The future plays on, tempting me with all my desires sketched in HD and technicolour,
my fear of heights forgotten, I allowed myself to be lead to somewhere higher.
Standing on the edge, I couldn’t help but take a peak at the ground,
I lost my footing then, free-falling into the abyss, the air slapping at my ears a terrifying sound.
No cushion awaits, no arms to envelope me to safety,
this fall is gonna be bloody; this fall hopefully would turn deadly.
The will, the desire to hold on has long been vanquished,
for this is too much, I simply can’t keep drowning in anguish.
You easily gave up on life, making yourself cold,
wanting to end the pain, you began digging a deep hole.
You wish to bury yourself – never to see daylight again –
but what if there’s light, what if you just had to believe still?
You’re giving up now, tired and weary to the bone,
you desire an eternal sleep, one that leads to damnation and heat.
You seem to have forgotten, that nothing ever comes in the form of your desires,
it’ll be longer still before you could finally embrace Hell’s fire.